Dear Sister: Is Confidence Standing Between You & Your Success?

This one is just me, sitting down with you to talk about something I have struggled with deeply in the past year. Confidence. It is that quiet thing that sits between you and the step you want to take, and I know so many of us wrestle with it daily.

What confidence actually is

In my opinion, confidence is having clarity and certainty in who you are, what your worth is, and who you want to be. If you are lacking clarity in your vision about yourself, you will always be uncertain in how you present yourself or what decisions you take. That uncertainty will always lead you into acting under confident. It is not about what someone else tells you. True confidence comes with filling your own cup and really trusting yourself because of yourself.

The way I spoke to myself

I spent the last year in a way that was very damaging. The way I thought about myself was literally that I am a loser or a failure. My own self worth was close to none. To the point that if anybody gave me a gift or told me I looked good, I just used to think it was not true. I would feel like I did not deserve it and it would make me want to cry. If I accidentally dropped something from my hand, it would be followed by a thought like, “Can you do anything right? You are so clumsy.” It was a very conscious effort to start thinking about how I speak to myself and to forgive myself for the small mistakes.

Finding evidence from your past

When you need to assure yourself, especially in a situation where you are feeling under confident, remind yourself of all the times you have kicked ass. Get evidence based self assurance. It is not just telling yourself you can do it. It is knowing you can do it because there is proof lying there that you have done great things in the past. When you are struggling, maybe write those things down where you have achieved successes. The whole idea is to fill your cup with as much gratitude and positive thinking as possible.

Feeding your body and your mind

Sometimes it is not just about changing how you think, but also changing physically the things that are creating negative energy inside you. What you eat and what you consume really affects your energies. If you eat trash and junk, you will feel like trash and junk. But if you feed on something good and healthy, your energy levels up and your confidence levels will be different. It is also about what you are consuming mentally. On social media, who are you following? Does it make you feel bad? If yes, mute the people that make you feel like that. It is not their fault, but the responsibility of whether that is damaging for you is about you. Unfollow, mute, and follow everything that inspires you.

Why confidence matters for women

Confidence is important because sometimes it is really the only thing that stops you from success. A lot of the times, if you are presented with an opportunity, just because you feel you cannot do it, you are not going to go for it. This is extremely common in women. Usually, if women do not check all the pointers in the criteria, they will never even apply for the job because they feel they are not good enough. Compared to men, even if they fill in 60 or even 40 percent of the criteria, they will apply for that job and they might even get it. It is really about having the confidence in yourself to take that step.

Commit to yourself like a friend

Confidence is that you need to commit to yourself and promise yourself. It is like being your own friend. If a friend keeps breaking promises, you lose confidence in that person. To gain confidence, you need to start making commitments and promises to yourself and fulfill them. When you fulfill them, you will love yourself because you are earning your own respect. If you fail to show up for yourself, you will never trust yourself. Promise yourself to become the version you want, make goals around it, take steps around it, and fulfill them.

This is something I have experienced in the past year. I did not take a confidence workshop. I just tried to become better. The things I ate, the physical exercise I got, the time I woke up, the water intake, the sunlight intake. Honestly, these are not very big things. I just tried to become better and confidence came with it. There is no shortcut for anything in life, and if there is a shortcut, the results will probably not be sustainable. If you really want to have confidence, you have to put in the work. I feel like women could use some more confidence, so I hope this helps you find a little more of your own.