Dear Sister: Sensitivity, Empathy, & Emotional Intelligence

In this episode of Dear Sister, I sit down with Veda and Yusra to talk about something so many of us have heard: that we’re too emotional, too sensitive, overreacting. It’s a label that gets slapped on women constantly, and it can make you question your own mind. We wanted to unpack that. Is sensitivity a weakness? What’s the difference between a valid reaction and an overreaction? And how do we navigate all of it without shutting down or exploding?

The labels we carry

Veda started by sharing how growing up, she was always called too sensitive. “It got to the point where I was like, okay maybe I am over sensitive,” she said. “But then by the time I really started working on myself, I realized it’s better being sensitive than being insensitive in this world.” That landed hard. Because the alternative, not feeling at all, isn’t strength. It’s numbness. And yet, from family to workplaces, vulnerability is so often seen as a flaw. Yusra pointed out how damaging that can be: “If you have a boss and you are emotional, then that’s a very damaging thing for everyone. But if emotions or empathy or compassion is missing in a leadership role, then that’s also very damaging.” You really can’t lead people well without some softness.

The cost of staying silent

I’ve been there too. I used to be the friend who would speak up, gently, when something bothered me. But in university, I slowly stopped saying anything to my friends. I told myself it was to keep the peace, to be accepted. But really, I was erasing my own feelings. Veda called this out plainly: “You are overreacting to something. It’s a straight invalidation of your feelings.” That invalidation can make you bottle things up until you don’t recognize yourself. And then people wonder why you suddenly snap.

Not every moment deserves your energy

But here’s what we also learned. Being emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean reacting to everything. Yusra put it beautifully: “You have to be very smart about the things that you should be giving your emotional energy too. If something is completely out of your control, the only thing you’re doing is wasting your time and energy on reacting to that.” I feel that so deeply. I’ve had moments where I reacted to everything and ended up losing credibility. People just started rolling their eyes, like, “Oh, here she goes again.” So it’s not about being cold. It’s about choosing where to place your emotional investment. Not every battle is yours.

Responding, not reacting

This was the game changer for me. There’s a world of difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction is instant, almost physical. A response takes a breath. Yusra said, “When you are in a secure headspace, when you are in a better headspace, you tend to react better to situations.” And you can’t always control the headspace you’re in, but you can learn to pause. I’ve started writing things down when I’m upset. I literally discovered the power of journaling this way. I’d write out a whole angry message, then read it back and think, “Wait, no.” Then I’d rewrite it. And rewrite it again. By the time I sent the actual message, it was measured, kind, and still true to what I felt. That pause saved me so many relationships.

Empathy on both ends

We also talked about what it’s like to be on the receiving end of someone’s big reaction. Veda reminded us that empathy is a two-way street. When someone is shouting or crying, there’s often pain underneath. “People who are angry are actually in pain. They’re hurting, they’re sad, but they’re reacting angrily.” So instead of just labeling them as difficult, you can try telling yourself: this is not entirely about me. That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it helps you respond with less fire. I’ve started saying something like, “I hear that your feelings are valid, but the way you’re communicating this to me isn’t.” It’s hard, but it shifts the energy.

Forgiving ourselves and each other

The biggest takeaway for me was that we’re never going to get it perfect. There will be times you overreact. Times you stay silent when you shouldn’t. Times you wish you’d said something different. And that’s okay. “We’re all human. Let’s be forgiving towards people who are reacting, and let’s be forgiving towards ourselves when we react as well.” This conversation felt like a sister circle. We’re all healing together. And that includes you, reading this. If you’ve been told you’re too much, please know: your sensitivity is not a flaw. It’s a compass. And with practice, you can learn to follow it without losing yourself.