Dear Sister: Shadi's Then Vs. Now

This one is a sister chat. I sit down with Elisha and Sanya, and we dive into the world of shadis: how they have changed from our mothers’ time to now, why we spend so much, and what actually matters when the music stops. It is a conversation full of nostalgia, a little bit of critique, and a lot of honesty about the pressure we put on ourselves.

The sky is the limit now

We start by talking about what we love most about weddings. For Elisha, it is getting ready and the whole preparation. Sanya loves the shopping and getting all dressed up. But then we get real about how much weddings have evolved. I remember speaking to a photographer who covers high-end weddings, and she told me, “they don’t care about the facts spend all their money on it.” That stuck with me. It feels like the sky is the limit now. You can have ten functions, destination weddings, pre and post events. There is no stop.

Sanya points out that we want everything to be aesthetically pleasing, from sun-kissed photos to mountain-top shoots. Elisha adds that it is also about competition and the easy availability of event managers, photographers, and decorators. I think the biggest driver is social status. Once one family does something, it becomes the norm. “When everybody does it it starts becoming the norm,” I say. And then people assume if you keep it simple, you are not happy. I just do not get that thinking. You can be happy with something small. At the end of the day, people will remember the food, not the chandeliers.

The little details that have completely transformed

We trace the changes from invitations to events. Invitations used to be simple template cards. Now they are customized boxes with favors, digitally illustrated to match the bride and groom’s color palette. Events have multiplied too. Nika used to be part of the mehndi or barat, a serious affair. Now it is a lighter, separate event with its own entry and vibe. Bridal showers, dholkis, haldi functions: the list never ends.

Entry songs are a whole trend now. Elisha had “Alma” playing as she walked in, and her friends did a cute dance. I had a freestyle moment that somehow clicked. We laugh about how Bollywood and social media feed this. Everyone wants to look like a heroine. I loved Alia Bhatt’s simple terrace wedding, and Sanya adored Deepika’s vibrant destination photos. But we also notice the shift in bridal looks. Red joras are still classic, but pastels and golds have taken over. I wore gold for my barat and mint green for my valima, but now I wish I had worn red. Sanya says, “something about red Brides” just feels right. I agree. There is a power in that traditional color.

The emotional weight of being a bride

Here is where we get honest. I hated being a bride. Everybody is looking at you, taking pictures, and you just sit there exhausted. Elisha remembers the moment she had to say goodbye to her family after the function. “I still find it so odd that I have to say bye to them and go to like my own home,” she shares. That shift hits hard. I was lucky because I was so excited to start my life with Muzammil that I did not care if the decor was perfect. “I was so happy that I didn’t care… I’m just happy that I’m getting married,” I tell them. But a friend of mine focused so much on the wedding that she did not absorb the transition and fell into depression. We agree that pre-wedding discussions are essential, but living together reveals realities no conversation can fully prepare you for. The small, intimate moments, like a heartfelt speech from a family member, matter more than any grand entrance.

Embracing color in a world that tells us to tone it down

I share a theory I have been reading about: the West is color-averse, and they have made minimalism and white the standard of elegance. We have been brainwashed to think subtle is classy. But color is our culture. “Why do I constantly need to do what goras are doing?” I ask. They took our spices and then called them inferior. The same happens with our vibrant weddings. I love when someone pulls off color beautifully. Sanya agrees. I am wearing yellow today as a small rebellion. Lahori weddings might be over-the-top, but they are also warm and welcoming. That is who we are. We should not have to tone it down to be seen as graceful.

What actually stays with you

This chat reminded me that weddings are a reflection of so many things: our culture, our insecurities, our love for family. But at the center of it all are two people starting a life together. Maybe the best trend we can embrace is asking ourselves what we truly want, not what log kya kahenge, what will people say. I hope this episode gives you permission to want less, or more, or just different. Whatever feels like you.