Empathize - Why and how to

This one is just me, talking to you about something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: empathy. The ability to sit with someone else’s feelings, to understand what they’re going through even if we haven’t lived it ourselves. In Urdu we call it hamdardi, sharing a heart. It sounds simple, but when I look around, I see us all slowly losing touch with each other. We’re so wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget to wonder what a day in someone else’s life might really feel like.

What empathy is, and what it isn’t

Empathy isn’t about having all the answers. It’s not about fixing someone or telling them to stay positive. It’s the quiet act of putting yourself in another person’s shoes, even when their story is completely different from yours. I’ll be honest: sometimes I find it really hard to connect to an emotion I haven’t personally felt. But I also know that without empathy, we stay stuck in our own bubbles, and our relationships suffer for it.

Why we need it more than ever

We’ve become so self-absorbed that we barely notice the inner lives of the people around us. Empathy pulls us out of that. It helps us have healthier, happier relationships because when we understand how someone else feels, compromise doesn’t feel like a loss. It lets us drop the constant judgments, the grudges, the labels. It makes us more tolerant and more accepting of differences. Honestly, it’s what allows us to stop asking “log kya kahenge” and start asking “what might they be going through?”

The small things that build empathy

So how do we actually develop this? I sat down and thought about the tiny, everyday habits that have helped me.

First, listening. Not the half-hearted kind where you’re already cooking a reply, but active listening. When someone tells you something, try to reflect their emotion back in your own words. “You must have felt so excited” or “That must have hurt deeply.” It sounds small, but it tells the other person you actually feel them.

Second, observe. Just watch people around you. Notice their body language, how they speak to others. Try to understand why they react the way they do. A while ago, I was sitting in the car with my husband, and we were doing this little exercise where we’d look at a stranger and imagine their life. And honestly, some days I drew a blank. “I had no idea what this person’s life could be like because we are so disconnected,” I thought. That moment stuck with me. The more disconnected we are from people who are different, the harder it is to accept them.

Then, think about other people. When you’re alone, picture someone’s home, their routine, what they might like or dislike. The more we wonder about their world, the more we understand where they’re coming from. And finally, talk. Reach out to all kinds of people, not just the ones who are exactly like you. The pilot, the chowkidar, the teacher, the driver. Ask them about their work, their families. Every conversation gives you a little insight. Once you’ve spoken to a doctor and heard about their exhausting day, you’re far less likely to snap at them when they seem agitated.

We’re not so different

At the core, we all have the same emotions. Fear, joy, pain, hope. We just experience them with slightly different variations. So truly, it’s not that difficult to try and understand someone else. Empathy isn’t a personality trait you’re born with or without. It’s a muscle. And every time you listen, observe, or strike up a conversation with someone new, you’re making it stronger. I hope this little sit-down gives you one small thing to try today.