Existential Crisis & Re-evaluating Life

This one is just me, sitting with a cup of chai and a head full of questions. Lately I have been deep in an existential crisis, seriously evaluating my purpose, asking myself who am I and what do I want to do with my life. It is not a very nice place to be. It makes you think, makes you emotional, makes you reflect. But alhamdulillah, thank God, I am the kind of person who does not regret things. I can look back and see why everything I did was necessary, even when it did not last forever.

My winding path and why no experience is wasted

I went to dental school. I am a dentist by profession. I practiced for a while, and meanwhile I started my blog, then my little business Inspire Me, then Happy Chirp, YouTube, and so many other things. I have done a lot, here and there. At one point I just worked from home on my business. Now I am at a point where I am reevaluating everything, looking at my past and what I want to do from here.

Someone once asked me, don’t you feel like you wasted your money or your time on dentistry since you are not doing it right now? I just feel like no experience is ever wasted. I may not be practicing dentistry today, but maybe I will someday. I never say never. Even if I never do it again, it is a skill I have. In the time I did practice, I know I helped a lot of people. I relieved their pain. I was a very good doctor, and my dealing with patients was really good. I contributed to this world. Every minute I gave, I put my heart into it. So even if it did not last forever, I made every second count.

Beyond the degree and the patients, there is more. The college experience, the hostel life, the independence, the relationships I made, all of that makes me who I am today. That time is not wasted in any way. It all added to my growth as a person. When you look at it through a wider lens, you understand that everything has so many layers. It is not black and white. It is deeper than what you think.

Trust the process, even when you cannot see the reason

I keep saying, just trust the process. Everything is a process. To get where you need to be, you have to go through certain steps. If something happens, it means you are one step closer to where you are supposed to be. It is like a chapter in a book. When things are not working out and you feel you need to close a chapter and move on, you should not regret it. You have definitely learned something. There are skills and experiences that will somehow benefit you to achieve that bigger purpose.

I really believe that everything happens for a reason. So many times in my life, even if I fail to see the reason right away, I have that trust and faith that there is definitely a reason. Whatever happened was necessary and affected my future in a way that was required. Sometimes your dream job ends up feeling underwhelming. That is often because of a lack of self-awareness, which is very common but also part of the process.

Self-awareness is the anchor

Every time I feel lost, like I do right now, the first thing I need to do is figure myself out. Who am I? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What interests me? What makes me happy or unhappy? What conversations interest me? What do I like doing with my time? When you answer these questions, which you almost never ask yourself, you get a clearer vision of what you want to do with your life right now.

If you are not self-aware, you may end up doing things that do not resonate with who you are at all, and you cannot understand why you are so unhappy. When your actions are so detached from who you are, obviously you are not going to be happy, no matter how much money you make. What truly buys happiness is feeling yourself, being yourself, doing things genuinely and with heart. That makes you feel whole, complete, satisfied. Otherwise, you will always feel a lack of contentment.

I also feel that if you are doing something you truly do not care about, you will never achieve your highest potential. But when you are doing something super passionately, even if it is small, you achieve your highest potential. In our society, we put pressure on people to do glamorous jobs. But a lot of people love to teach. Teaching makes them feel complete, yet we do not see it as a very successful job. I have been a teacher once, and it is a very rewarding thing. It makes you feel whole because you know you are creating change in people. Beyond labels and sexy jobs, it is about the purpose that makes you feel complete.

You are allowed to change, and so is everyone else

Self-awareness is a journey. You will never be just one person. You will change as you go through things, and what you want to do will also change. That is fine. It is okay to sit back, retreat, think, reevaluate, and then do things that are productive and help change the world.

I think it is too early for young people to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. The question should be, what do you want to do with your life right now? You make decisions based on who you are right now, and that can drastically change. The more you experience, the more you change. Bad times change you. We need to be more accepting of the fact that people change, and what they want to do changes. It does not mean they failed or made the wrong decision. They just made a decision at one point in their life, and now they need to make another. We need to normalize people restarting their lives, normalize changing, and take that pressure off others and ourselves.

Focus on your strengths first

Something I learned two years ago: focus on your strengths first. Right now, I have been dwelling over my weaknesses. But I need to cut myself some slack. My strengths and weaknesses have changed a lot. Things that were my strengths before are now my weaknesses. For example, I used to be a very disciplined person, but that is not who I am right now. Constantly trying to live a disciplined life at the moment is a bad idea. I need to accept that I am a bit chaotic now, forgive myself for it, and figure out how to live my life best through this chaos.

I just became a mom. I can give myself some leeway to not be so perfect, to not be that ideal person I thought I was before. When circumstances are not ideal and your weaknesses feel like more than your strengths, it is important to focus on your strengths. Make the best of the circumstances by using your strengths, not by exhausting yourself trying to fix weaknesses. When you have mastered your new strengths and are in a better position, then work on the weaknesses. But right now, focusing on my strengths will make a bigger difference.

A little invitation

If you are in a season of questioning, of feeling lost, of not recognizing yourself, I hope this talk gives you a soft place to land. You do not have to have it all figured out. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to pause and ask who you are now. And you are allowed to trust that every single step, even the confusing ones, is taking you somewhere meaningful.