Pt 2: Trauma, Loss & Therapy Ft. Fatima Hussain

In this conversation I sit down with Fatima Hussain, a psychotherapist and a dear friend. This is part two of our talk, and we go deep into the things that are hard to name: trauma, loss, therapy, and the ways we judge ourselves and others. It is raw and honest, and I hope it feels like a voice note from a friend who gets it.

The problem with labels and “mental health”

Fatima shares her discomfort with the term “mental health” because it splits the mind from the body. “In my training, the mind and the body are not two separate things,” she says. Healing happens through the body too. We talk about the therapy works controversy and how it made life harder for people with diagnoses. Fatima points out that mental illness never happens in isolation, and nothing can justify harm. She also notes that therapists being in therapy is not a bad thing. I tell her, “I would think it’s a good thing that my therapist is in therapy because that means they are in touch with their mental health.” It means they are sorting out their own wounds.

Cancel culture and black-and-white thinking

We discuss how online outrage leaves no room for growth. Fatima explains that black-and-white thinking is a developmental regression. She references Melanie Klein’s paranoid-schizoid position, where everything is good or bad, and the depressive position, where you can hold the good and bad together. “If somebody can only see the bad in something, that’s just infantile,” she says. I share my own experience of being cancelled. I have always been vulnerable online, but after a difficult incident last year, I stopped being myself. The audience was not ready for that much vulnerability. Cancel culture dehumanizes public figures and expects perfection. It does not give people the space to be human and learn from mistakes. Duniya kabhi bhi nahi hoti, the world is never just black and white.

Grieving my father

I lost my father 11 years ago during O Levels. Fatima remembers that time. I jumped back into school and routine, and people thought I was unaffected. But I was not. I did not have the support or the words. I wish there had been a school counselor or someone to talk to the class. The four months of knowing he might die were more traumatic than the death itself. “Every phone call was scary… Waking up every morning was just really difficult because you don’t know what today holds,” I tell her. That limbo was excruciating. I also share the moment my mother had a panic attack and I thought she was dying. The caregiving part is often invisible.

The weight of caregiving and hidden pain

People thought I was fine because I was functioning. But functioning is not the same as being okay. I was protecting my family from my pain. I did not want to trigger them. “You sort of trivialize your own pain because you’re like, my mom just lost her husband, my younger sister just lost her father,” I say. We did not grieve together as a family, and I wish we had. I also faced bullying and mean girl stuff at school, which made it harder. Kindness was missing. Fatima notes that this view of mental health, where you must look dysfunctional to be in pain, is so problematic.

New motherhood and identity

I talk about becoming a mother. I had baby blues, struggled with breastfeeding, and felt guilt. But after three weeks, I was happy. The struggle came when I had to go back to work and do things beyond mothering. I felt a loss of identity. I had prepared myself for change, but finding the new me was hard. Mom guilt is real, and we need external voices telling us it is okay to put ourselves first. Fatima adds that self-care should not only be justified if it makes you a better mother. I say, “Some days you’re like, I was born to do this, and the next day you’re like, how the hell am I a mother?” You just need to be good enough, not perfect.

The working mother as a role model

My mother was a working woman, and that shaped me. She had financial independence and agency. I never felt she was not there for me; in fact, I learned so much from her exposure. Seeing her beyond just a mother gave me something to aspire to. “My mom was a working woman so she doesn’t make snacks for me… And that was okay to me,” I say. Motherhood is more than domestic chores. We also touch on the role of fathers: parenting is a two-person job, and we do not talk about that enough. A child’s emotional well-being needs both parents.

This conversation matters because it holds space for the messy, unpolished parts of life. Whether you are grieving, navigating new motherhood, or just tired of being judged, I hope you feel a little less alone. You do not have to have it all figured out.