Shaadiii [NOT BARBAADI]

I got married in December 2017. And if you are a Desi woman, you know that the word shaadi can sometimes feel like it comes with a silent barbaadi attached. The pressure, the expectations, the log kya kahenge. But I want to tell you about my shaadi, and everything I learned, because it does not have to be that way.

The small wedding dream

I had a very clear vision. I wanted my wedding to be my wedding, not a festival and mela. I wanted it smallish, magical, and simple. Golden vibes, not a crowd of a thousand people. We kept the guest list to about 150. Initially we thought a restaurant, then a hall, but a family friend offered us a beautiful venue that felt just right. It was a bit more grand than I planned, but it still felt intimate. The point is, you can say no to the big brown wedding if that is not you.

The dress hunt

I did not want to spend a fortune on a designer outfit I would wear once. That was my personal choice. I went to the bazaars, to random bridal shops, and I found a design I loved. I customized it: the color, the embroidery, the cut. It took about a month and a half, and I was so happy with it. It did not cost me much, and it felt like me. I had maybe 12 or 13 outfits in total, no dowry, no fuss. You do not need a designer label to feel like a bride. You just need to feel like yourself.

Letting go of the decor

At first I wanted the best of everything. But then I started asking myself: is it worth it? I used a process of elimination. Centerpieces, backdrops, chandeliers, flower arrangements. I decided what I actually needed and let the rest go. Eventually I stopped going to decor meetings and left it to my brother. I let go of control. And the decor turned out more beautiful than I had imagined. Sometimes the best thing you can do is trust the people who love you and step back.

The pressure and the plan B

When you are the bride, there is constantly this pressure to make everything perfect. But perfection is not possible because there are variables: family, costs, other people’s opinions. I learned to ask, is spending this much money worth it? Will I regret this later? I also learned to have a plan B. Being obsessive about one single vision is a recipe for disaster. Things will go wrong. I cried a few times, but I tried not to make it the end of the world. Acceptance is key. Some things did not turn out the way I wanted, but they turned out even better.

Your moment, not a competition

Please do not compare your wedding to anyone else’s. Do not make it a competition. It is your moment and it should represent you. I have a very girly personality, so my entrance was a little dance with my friends, something sophisticated and fun. Think about what feels like you, not what you saw on someone else’s feed. When you let go of the comparison, you can actually enjoy your day.

This conversation matters because so many of us grow up believing a wedding is a performance. It is not. It is a celebration of two people, and you deserve to be happy on that day. Do your best, keep your budget and your dreams in mind, and then let the rest go. Positive vibes only, but always with honesty.