Talking Mental Health Ft. Shanzae Rafique

I sit down with Shanzae Rafique, a clinical psychologist, and this conversation went places I honestly did not expect. We talk about online therapy, why charging for mental health support still makes people uncomfortable, and how so much of our pain starts in the relationships closest to us. This one is about the small, brave steps it takes to heal, especially when the world around you is not ready to support that healing.

I was already a fan of her work

Before I ever messaged Shanzae, I looked her up online. I wanted to see her profile before reaching out, and I realized she was already watching my podcast. She was a huge fan. When I sent her that first message asking her to come on, she told me she needed some time to process it. I thought maybe she had changed her mind. But no, she was just processing the surprise. I love that. I love when a conversation starts from a place of genuine, mutual respect.

Why psychology and why online

Shanzae did her MS in clinical psychology. Her path was not the typical one. Her mother wanted her to be a doctor, but she always had an interest in writing and art. She started with a Facebook page back around 2013, a random page where she could just express herself. She began posting statuses offering to talk to anyone who wanted to discuss their mental health. Back then, she was not charging anything and she was not calling it professional help. It was just her, showing up for people.

Eventually, she turned that into her profession. Now she counsels online through that same platform. The shift to charging for her time brought hate. People questioned why she was taking money for something that is “a good thing to do.” Shanzae was clear: “My parents have invested money, their time, their energy. I have to pay my bills. This is my profession.” I do not understand why we treat mental health differently. If you go to a doctor for your physical health, you pay. Telehealth is accepted globally for physical issues. Why is it a problem when it is for your mind?

The stigma that keeps people trapped

Online therapy matters because access matters. Shanzae pointed out something so real. A lot of people cannot leave their homes to see a psychologist. Even if you believe in mental health, your parents might not. As she put it, “There is a lot of stigma attached to mental health as well.” She worked a job at a rehab for drug addiction and saw people who were desperate for help but could not physically step into a space. They were in toxic families, in abusive relationships, trapped in schools or universities where they had no safe exit. Online counseling gave them a way to reach out when walking out the door was simply not an option.

The issues that walk into her virtual room

I asked her what the top issues are for Pakistanis reaching out to her. Her answer was one word, repeated: harassment. She told me almost every other client has been through some form of abuse, and it usually comes from very close relationships. That is the part that breaks my heart. The people who should be your safest space are so often the source of the deepest wound. We also talked about how parents need to sort out their own mental health and their own relationships before bringing a child into the picture. Having a baby does not solve the problem. Solving the problem solves the problem.

We spoke about the pressure on women specifically. The stigma around divorce, the fear of being unsupported by society. Shanzae shared a memory of being bullied for everything, even for dressing a certain way, and how an acquaintance would make her feel bad for whatever she did. She said it plainly: if your child is shy and there is a problem, talk to your child. Do not just call it normal and move on. Pay attention.

Taking the first step is the hardest part

Shanzae admitted this was the first time she was talking like this, in this format. She never thought she would do a podcast. But she told herself she had to take the first step, and that my show gave her the motivation to just do it. Hearing that meant the world to me. She said, “Your show has given me a lot of motivation. This is why I am here right now.” It is proof of what I always believe: everybody has something valuable to bring to the table. Every experience is unique. No two people live the same story, even if the pain sounds similar.

We are all learning, and we are all trying. Some of that trying looks like starting a Facebook page in your room. Some of it looks like finally charging for your work. Some of it looks like saying yes to a podcast invite when you are nervous. And some of it looks like logging onto a video call to ask for help when you feel like you have nowhere else to turn.

Why this conversation matters

I have never had a psychologist on the podcast before, and it was deeply refreshing to hear a young woman speak so plainly about the work. Shanzae is doing something quietly revolutionary by making mental health support accessible online, and by refusing to apologize for treating it as real, professional labor. If you have been curious about what online counseling looks like, or if you have felt alone in what you are carrying, I hope this episode feels like a soft place to land. She is one of the people out there doing this work, and I am so glad she said yes.