The First Time | Super Relatable!

This one is just me, sharing the first times that have shaped me. I’m a huge ball of emotions when I experience something new, and I know so many of you are the same. So let’s talk about the messy, real, and sometimes hilarious firsts that stick with you.

The first day at the hospital

I was nervous. More nervous than excited. My stomach was constantly hurting, like that pre-exam feeling. There was a fear of judgment, failure, everything. And because I’m a public figure, people were watching. I found out later that when I arrived, people were talking. They said things like, “Oh, she’s that blogger, and she has a full attitude.” I was just minding my own business, trying to figure out where to go. It’s funny how a universal first-day jitters gets twisted when people think they know you.

The panic attack I didn’t understand

This one isn’t funny. I was in my third year, close to my profs, and already struggling with anxiety. One night, staying at a friend’s place, I woke up and could not breathe. I couldn’t move. I shook my friend awake, saying, “Listen, save me because I’m dying.” I thought maybe my blood sugar dropped, but now I know it was a panic attack. It was real, and it was terrifying. No one talks about how physical it can feel.

The first day after marriage

When my husband asked if our first day together was the happiest of my life, I was honest. It wasn’t. It wasn’t sad either, but it was scary. You wake up in a new house, wondering, “Did I wake up at the right time?” You’re rushing, unsure how to sit, how to behave, what’s expected. And you spend the whole day just trying to deal with your own self. It takes time to figure out how to be yourself in a completely new environment.

The code blue

I went to see a code blue at the hospital, thinking I’d eventually join the team. I watched an old woman being resuscitated. They failed. She passed away. When the doctor said he had to inform the family, I felt something in my gut I couldn’t name. I left, sat in the cafeteria, and could not stop crying. I cried and cried and felt so ashamed. I thought, if I want to do this, I shouldn’t be so emotional. But my partner told me, “It’s completely normal for any person with compassion to feel something.” He was right. You don’t stop feeling, but you learn to carry it.

The tiara in England

My first time abroad, I was seven. We went to the UK and the US. I saw castles, bridges, a whole different world. I was so amazed. I got a tiara, and I wore it the entire trip because I wanted to be a princess. I kept it for years. That feeling of pure joy, of seeing something new for the very first time, stays with me. It’s a small thing that matters.

These first times are scattered across my life, and each one taught me something. They were rarely perfect, often messy, but they were mine. If you’re walking into a first time right now and your stomach is in knots, just know you’re not alone. The mess is part of it.